Who is the BEST - Infosys, Wipro or TCS?
One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went out for a walk.
"Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?"
Why not, said the other two.
The Infosian said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm".
Being a pure logical strategist, the person from TCS tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still.
As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put...
Now, comes the Infosian. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him..
The other two were astonished. So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!"
So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The TCS guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again...
Then, the Infosian again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh! It started crying, patting the Infosian's shoulder!
The other two just could not believe their eyes! So the tcs guy said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run".
And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go.
So...here comes Infosian, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death!
The other two surrendered.
They Said: "OK, we give up.
You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him.
"Well", said the Infosian , "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for Infosys . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it started crying.
And then I told that I was here for recruitment !!!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Infy Vs TCS Vs Wipro
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
jokes:Three sisters
Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together.
One night the 96 year old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled.
The 94 year old hollered back, "I don't know. I'll come and see." She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted, "Was I going up or coming down?"
The 92 year old sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sister’s shook her head and said, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on wood for good measure.
Then she yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Very fun facts
1.Did you know that there are 206 bones in the adult human body and there are 300 in children (as they grow some of the bones fuse together).
2.The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
3.The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
11 things guys should know
1. A girl appreciates your poetry, love letters etc as long as it is not for her.
So don't be misguided by ' Wow! whose are these for? She is really lucky! I am jealous' etc
2. Girls keep mum, even if they know for certain that you love them. And when you do tell them, they
either stop talking to you, behave like a snob or agree depending on how much they like you.
3. The easiest way to win a girl is to confuse her. Let her reach the stage where she is picking up the
petals of a rose saying,'He loves me!, He loves me not'.(this was told to me by a girl)
4. Girls prefer easy going guys to guys who love them a lot and are always super gentle.
5. Girls like guys who are not as clever as them but dont love them. To love a guy, he has to be
more intelligent
6. While giving any gift to a girl, remember that it should be of no use that you can think of.
Never buy a camera, a cell phone or anything useful for that matter.
Things that are less useful - dress, jewellary etc would impress them a bit too.
But the things that impress them most are those for which guys can't think of any possible use
Like rose, soft toys, photographs(preferably of scenaries or flowers) and show pieces.
7. Girls hate guys who talk fast. They don't even listen to half of what such guys are saying.
(I have the fastest mouth in the whole world :( )
8. Cleanliness is Godliness is what most girls believe. Make sure you are wearing clean, ironed clothes
when trying to impress someone. Another thing to be careful of is to have clean nails and good shoes.
9. Girls like you to know about their friends but don't show much interest when you try to talk about your
friends.
10. For some reason, they hate liars but when they are caught lying, its for some good reason.
11. And the last but the most important thing to remember is, all 10 could go wrong. You can
never 100% understand a girl.
Project manager to tester
1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
And lastly...
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Funny Jokes: Remarks at Your Funeral
3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say?
The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!
joke:A THEORY ON HELL
The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term:
"Is Hell exothermic [gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So,
we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As
for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions
state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to
Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as
souls are added. This gives two possibilities.
1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until
Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese
Banyan during my Freshman year "That it will be a cold night in Hell
before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still
have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2)
cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic.
The student got the only A.
Ghost story:The Whisperers
To be too impressionable is as much a source of weakness as to be hyper-sensitive: so many messages come flooding in upon one another that confusion is the result; the mind chokes, imagination grows congested.
Jones, as an imaginative writing man, was well aware of this, yet could not always prevent it; for if he dulled his mind to one impression, he ran the risk of blunting it to all. To guard his main idea, and picket its safe conduct through the seethe of additions that instantly flocked to join it, was a psychological puzzle that sometimes overtaxed his powers of critical selection. He prepared for it, however. An editor would ask him for a story--"about five thousand words, you know"; and Jones would answer, "I'll send it you with pleasure--when it comes." He knew his difficulty too well to promise more. Ideas were never lacking, but their length of treatment belonged to machinery he could not coerce. They were alive; they refused to come to heel to suit mere editors. Midway in a tale that stared crystal clear and definite in its original germ, would pour a flood of new impressions that either smothered the first conception, or developed it beyond recognition. Often a short story exfoliated in this bursting way beyond his power to stop it. He began one, never knowing where it would lead him. It was ever an adventure. Like Jack the Giant Killer's beanstalk it grew secretly in the night, fed by everything he read, saw, felt, or heard. Jones was too impressionable; he received too many impressions, and too easily.
For this reason, when working at a definite, short idea, he preferred an empty room, without pictures, furniture, books, or anything suggestive, and with a skylight that shut out scenery--just ink, blank paper, and the clear picture in his mind. His own interior, unstimulated by the geysers of external life, he made some pretence of regulating; though even under these favourable conditions the matter was not too easy, so prolifically does a sensitive mind engender.
His experience in the empty room of the carpenter's house was a curious case in point--in the little Jura village where his cousin lived to educate his children. "We're all in a pension above the Post Office here," the cousin wrote, "but just now the house is full, and besides is rather noisy. I've taken an attic room for you at the carpenter's near the forest. Some things of mine have been stored there all the winter, but I moved the cases out this morning. There's a bed, writing-table, wash-handstand, sofa, and a skylight window--otherwise empty, as I know you prefer it. You can have your meals with us," etc... And this just suited Jones, who had six weeks' work on hand for which he needed empty solitude. His "idea" was slight and very tender; accretions would easily smother clear presentment; its treatment must be delicate, simple, unconfused.
The room really was an attic, but large, wide, high. He heard the wind rush past the skylight when he went to bed. When the cupboard was open he heard the wind there too, washing the outer walls and tiles. From his pillow he saw a patch of stars peep down upon him. Jones knew the mountains and the woods were close, but he could not see them. Better still, he could not smell them. And he went to bed dead tired, full of his theme for work next morning. He saw it to the end. He could almost have promised five thousand words. With the dawn he would be up and "at it," for he usually woke very early, his mind surcharged, as though subconsciousness had matured the material in sleep. Cold bath, a cup of tea, and then--his writing-table; and the quicker he could reach the writing-table the richer was the content of imaginative thought. What had puzzled him the night before was invariably cleared up in the morning. Only illness could interfere with the process and routine of it.
But this time it was otherwise. He woke, and instantly realised, with a shock of surprise and disappointment, that his mind was--groping. It was groping for his little lost idea. There was nothing physically wrong with him; he felt rested, fresh, clearheaded; but his brain was searching, searching, moreover, in a crowd. Trying to seize hold of the train it had relinquished several hours ago, it caught at an evasive, empty shell. The idea had utterly changed; or rather it seemed smothered by a host of new impressions that came pouring in upon it--new modes of treatment, points of view, in fact development. In the light of these extensions and novel aspects, his original idea had altered beyond recognition. The germ had marvellously exfoliated, so that a whole volume could alone express it. An army of fresh suggestions clamoured for expression. His subconsciousness had grown thick with life; it surged--active, crowded, tumultuous.
And the darkness puzzled him. He remembered the absence of accustomed windows, but it was only when the candle-light brought close the face of his watch, with two o'clock upon it, that he heard the sound of confused whispering in the corners of the room, and realised with a little twinge of fear that those who whispered had just been standing beside his very bed. The room was full.
Though the candle-light proclaimed it empty--bare walls, bare floors, five pieces of unimaginative furniture, and fifty stars peeping through the skylight--it was undeniably thronged with living people whose minds had called him out of heavy sleep. The whispers, of course, died off into the wind that swept the roof and skylight; but the Whisperers remained. They had been trying to get at him; waking suddenly, he had caught them in the very act.... And all had brought new interpretations with them; his thought had fundamentally altered; the original idea was snowed under; new images brimmed his mind, and his brain was working as it worked under the high pressure of creative moments.
Jones sat up, trembling a little, and stared about him into the empty room that yet was densely packed with these invisible Whisperers. And he realised this astonishing thing--that he was the object of their deliberate assault, and that scores of other minds, deep, powerful, very active minds, were thundering and beating upon the doors of his imagination. The onset of them was terrific and bewildering, the attack of aggressive ideas obliterating his original story beneath a flood of new suggestions. Inspiration had become suddenly torrential, yet so vast as to be unwieldy, incoherent, useless. It was like the tempest of images that fever brings. His first conception seemed no longer "delicate," but petty. It had turned unreal and tiny, compared with this enormous choice of treatment, extension, development, that now overwhelmed his throbbing brain.
Fear caught vividly at him, as he searched the empty attic-room in vain for explanation. There was absolutely nothing to produce this tempest of new impressions. People seemed to be talking to him all together, jumbled somewhat, but insistently. It was obsession, rather than inspiration; and so bitingly, dreadfully real.
"Who are you all?" his mind whispered to blank walls and vacant corners.
Back from the shouting floor and ceiling came the chorus of images that stormed and clamoured for expression. Jones lay still and listened; he let them come. There was nothing else to do. He lay fearful, negative, receptive. It was all too big for him to manage, set to some scale of high achievement that submerged his own small powers. It came, too, in a series of impressions, all separate, yet all somehow interwoven.
In vain he tried to sort them out and sift them. As well sort out waves upon an agitated sea. They were too self-assertive for direction or control. Like wild animals, hungry, thirsty, ravening, they rushed from every side and fastened on his mind.
Yet he perceived them in a certain sequence.
For, first, the unfurnished attic-chamber was full of human passion, of love and hate, revenge and wicked cunning, of jealousy, courage, cowardice, of every vital human emotion ever longed for, enjoyed, or frustrated, all clamouring for--expression.
Flaming across and through these, incongruously threaded in and out, ran next a yearning softness of incredible beauty that sighed in the empty spaces of his heart, pleading for impossible fulfilment....
And, after these, carrying both one and other upon their surface, huge questions have flashed and dived and thundered in a patterned, wild entaglement, calling to be unravelled and made straight. Moreover, with every set came a new suggested treatment of the little clear idea he had taken to bed with him five hours before.
Jones adopted each in turn. Imagination writhed and twisted beneath the stress of all these potential modes of expression he must choose between. His small idea exfoliated into many volumes, work enough to fill a dozen lives. It was most gorgeously exhilarating, though so hopelessly unmanageable. He felt like many minds in one....
Then came another chain of impressions, violent, yet steady owing to their depth; the voices, questions, pleadings turned to pictures; and he saw, struggling through the deeps of him, enormous quantities of people, passing along like rivers, massed, herded, swayed here and there by some outstanding figure of command who directed them like flowing water. They shrieked, and fought, and battled, then sank out of sight, huddled and destroyed in--blood....
And their places were taken instantly by white crowds with shining eyes, and yearning in their faces, who climbed precipitous heights toward some Radiance that kept ever out of sight, like sunrise behind mountains that clouds then swallow.... The pelt and thunder of images was destructive in its torrent; his little, first idea was drowned and wrecked.... Jones sank back exhausted, utterly dismayed. He gave up all attempt to make selection.
The driving storm swept through him, on and on, now waxing, now waning, but never growing less, and apparently endless as the sky. It rushed in circles, like the turning of a giant wheel. All the activities that human minds have ever battled with since thought began came booming, crashing, straining for expression against the imaginative stuff whereof his mind was built. The walls began to yield and settle. It was like the chaos that madness brings. He did not struggle against it; he let it come, lying open and receptive, pliant and plastic to every detail of the vast invasion. And the only time he attempted a complete obedience, reaching out for his pencil and notebook that lay beside his bed, he disisted instantly again, sinking back upon his pillows with a kind of frightened laughter. For the tempest seemed then to knock him down and bruise his very brain. Inextricable confusion caught him. He might as well have tried to make notes of the entire Alexandrian Library in half an hour....
Then, most singular of all, as he felt the sleep of exhaustion fall upon his tired nerves, he heard that deep, prodigious sound. All that had preceded, it gathered marvellously in, mothering it with a sweetness that seemed to his imagination like some harmonious, geometrical skein including all the activities men's minds have ever known. Faintly he realised it only, discerned from infinitely far away. Into the stream of apparent contradiction that warred so strenuously about him, it seemed to bring some hint of unifying, harmonious explanation.... And, here and there, as sleep buried him, he imagined that chords lay threaded along strings of cadences, breaking sometimes into melody--music that rose everywhere from life and wove Thought into a homogeneous Whole....
"Sleep well?" his cousin inquired, when he appeared very late next day for déjeuner. "Think you'll be able to work in that room all right?"
"I slept, yes, thanks," said Jones. "No doubt I shall work there right enough--when I'm rested. By the bye," he asked presently, "what has the attic been used for lately? What's been in it, I mean?"
"Books, only books," was the reply. "I've stored my 'library' there for months, without a chance of using it. I move about so much you see. Five hundred books were taken out just before you came. I often think," he added lightly, "that when books are unopened like that for long, the minds that wrote them must get restless and--"
"What sort of books were they?" Jones interrupted.
"Fiction, poetry, philosophy, history, religion, music. I've got two hundred books on music alone."
Measuring height of building with a barometer
Some time ago I received a call from a colleague, who asked if I would be the referee on the grading of an examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question, while the student claimed he should receive a perfect score and would if the system were not set up against the student. The instructor and the student agreed to an impartial arbiter, and I was selected.
I went to my colleague's office and read the examination question: "Show how it is possible to determine the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer."
The student had answered: "Take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a rope to it, lower it to the street, and then bring it up, measuring the length of the rope. The length of the rope is the height of the building."
I pointed out that the student really had a strong case for full credit since he had really answered the question completely and correctly. On the other hand, if full credit were given, it could well contribute to a high grade in his physics course. A high grade is supposed to certify competence in physics, but the answer did not confirm this. I suggested that the student have another try at answering the question. I was not surprised that my colleague agreed, but I was surprised when the student did.
I gave the student six minutes to answer the question with the warning that the answer should show some knowledge of physics. At the end of five minutes, he had not written anything. I asked if he wished to give up, but he said no. He had many answers to this problem; he was just thinking of the best one. I excused myself for interrupting him and asked him to please go on. In the next minute he dashed off his answer which read: "Take the barometer to the top of the building and lean over the edge. Drop the barometer, timing its fall with a stopwatch. Then, using the formula S=.5AT^2, calculate the height of the building."
At this point, I asked my colleague if he would give up. He conceded, and gave the student almost full credit.
In leaving my colleague's office, I recalled the student had said that he had other answers to the problem, so I asked him what they were.
"Well," said the student, "there are many ways of getting the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer. For example, you could take the barometer out on a sunny day and measure the height of the barometer, the length of its shadow, and the length of the shadow of the building, and, by the use of simple proportion, determine the height of the building."
"Fine," I said, "any others?"
"Yes," said the student. "There is a very basic measurement method you will like. In this method, you take the barometer and begin to walk up the stairs. As you climb the stairs, you mark off the length of the barometer along the wall. You then count the number of marks, and this will give you the height of the building in barometer units. A very direct method.
"Of course, if you want a more sophisticated method, you can tie the barometer to the end of a string, swing it as a pendulum and determine the value of g at the street level and at the top of the building. From the difference between the two values of g, the height of the building in principle, can be calculated.
“On this same tack, you could take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope to it, lower it to just above the street and then swing it as a pendulum. You could then calculate the height of the building by the period of the precession.
“Finally, there are many other ways of solving the problem,” he concluded. “Probably the best is to take the barometer to the basement and knock on the superintendent’s door. When the superintendent answers, you speak to him as follows: ‘Mr. Superintendent, here is a fine barometer. If you will tell me the height of the building, I will give you this barometer.’”
At this point, I asked the student if he really did not know the conventional answer to this question. He admitted that he did, but said that he was fed up with college instructors trying to teach him how to think
Cool story:Laughing at death
Several months before my husband and I left Rangoon on March 1, 1960, U Hpe Aung, the director of the International Institute for Advanced Buddhist Studies (I.I.A.B.S.) at Kaba Aye, told us that he would advise us both to take a course in Buddhist meditation because he thought that it would greatly contribute to our better understanding of Buddhism.
. . . .
In the early morning of our last day at the centre, I dreamed again; this time I was standing over my own dead body, seeing its greenish look of decay, smelling the odors of decay and feeling my repulsively cold and unresponsive flesh. It was frightful to me; so frightful that I arose from my bed, dressed quickly and was in my meditation-cell at four instead of four-thirty. The door of my cell was open into the shrine room and Sayagyi was there fast asleep. I called to him in the agony of my fright at having come face to face with my own sure-to-come death and decay. Though I did not know it at the time, I had begun now to realize that my grief over my father's death was really and mostly a grief over my own inescapable death and decay.
Sayagyi awoke immediately and sat up to hear me while I told him about my dream. Then he began to laugh! Incredible! (he had a marvelous, deep-throated laugh--indescribably rich and full.) He continued to laugh for some time while I sat there astounded. Then I began to feel a strange comfort. Now I know that I had directly confronted impermanence, my impermanence, for the very first time and had seen it for what it is. Almost imperceptibly my heart stopped its wild beating.
That wonderful laugh is still going on for me! No words could have done what it is still doing.
Fun facts interesting
1.Abraham Lincoln faces to the right on a penny while all the other presidents face to the left on US coins.
2.The first female guest host of "Saturday Night Live" was Candace Bergen.
3.The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It to Beaver."
4.In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
jokes:Do yo know me?
A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.
In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
Mouse joke
A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
A Petty Thief, a Teacher and a Lawyer
A petty thief, a teacher and a lawyer die and go to heaven.
When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who then says, "Sorry, heaven's crowding up, so you need to answer a question correctly, or else you can't get in."
He looks at the teacher, and asks her: "What was the name of the famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?" "Oh, that's easy," the teacher replied, "the Titanic." So St. Peter let her into heaven.
Next he turned to the petty thief. "How many people died on that ship?" St. Peter asked. "Oooh, that's tough, but I saw the movie, and it was 1, 500." St. Peter stepped away and the thief walked into heaven.
Finally, St. Peter turned to the lawyer. He simply said to him: "Name them."
British Airways : short stories
On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged,
well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next
to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to
complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the
attendant.
"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I
can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me
another seat!"
"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The
flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll
go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or
first class".
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man
beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding
passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with
the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help
but look at the people around her with a smug and
self-satisfied grin.
"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've
spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full.
However, we do have one seat in first class".
Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess
continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of
upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission
from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt
that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit
next such an obnoxious person."
With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd
like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."
At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a
standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the
plane . . .
puzzle:What is the color of the hat?
Mrs. Harrison has 6 lovely hats, 3 blue, 2 yellow and one pink. Alice, Betty, Cindy and Debbie are lined up as shown in the figure. Mrs. Harrison help them put the hats on them so they will not see what color hat they have on.
Alice can see what color of hats Betty, Cindy and Debbie are wearing.
Betty can see what color of hats Cindy and Debbie are wearing.
Cindy can see what color hat Debbie is wearing.
Debbie can not see any of the hat colors.
Mrs. Harrison ask them what color of the hat they are wearing. Alice said she can not tell. Betty said she can not tell either. Cindy also can not tell. However, Debbie was able to tell what color she was wearing after knowing that everyone else could not tell.
How did Debbie figure out what color she was wearing?
Engineer jokes
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]
"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Thursday, February 14, 2008
An excellent love story
“Once, there was a boy, who was in love with a girl. She wasn't the most beautiful but for him, she was everything.
He used to dream about her, about spending the rest of life with her. His friends told him,
"why do you dream so much about her, when you don't even know if she loves you or not?
First tell her your feelings, and get to know if she likes you or not".
He felt that was the right way. The girl knew from the beginning, that this boy loves her.
One day when he proposed, she rejected him.
His friends thought he would be depressed and ruin his life.
To their surprise, he was not depressed.
When they asked him how was it that he is not sad, he replied,.
"'why should I feel bad? I lost one who never loved me & she lost the one who really loved and cared for her."
Priest joke
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray ?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke ?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."
Joke:BE vs MBA
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition....
Organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......
A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent ,and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend. "
look up at the sky and tell me what you see." The MBA replies, "I see
millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and
we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
" ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE "
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Wife knows Best
A husband is watching footie when his wife interrupts, "Honey, the hallway light has been flickering for weeks. Can you fix it?"
He angrily looks at her and says, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E Logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so!"
"Well, what about the fridge door. It doesn't close right"
"Fix the Fridge Door??? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so!"
"Ok", she says, "then you could at least fix the front door steps. They're about to break."
"I ain't no damn Carpenter and I don't wanna fix any steps," he says. "Does it look like I've got ACE hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough. I'm off to the bar!"
After a couple of hours at the local, he feels guilty and decides to go home and make up with his wife. As he walks up to the house he notice the steps are fixed. As he goes into the house he sess the hall light is working, and as he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed."
"Darling, how'd you get all this fixed?"
She replies: "Well, after you left I was sitting outside crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong. I told him, he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was to either bake a cake or go to bed with him."
He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
50 Dollars on the pillow
A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong.
"Well," replied the man, "When we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"
The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though. She gave me $20 change!"
Top 10 Things to do at the Mall
10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.
6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof".
3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
1. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."
Doctor Jokes
Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
Funny Joke:Late night out
A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out however , that it's closed. So the guy ends up going down to the local bar to use the vending machine. While there he had a few beer and began talking to this beautiful girl.
He had a few more beer and the next thing he knew he was in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he knew it was 3:00 AM.
"Oh my, god , my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"
She got him some and he rubbed it all over his hands. When he got home his wife was up waiting for him and she was furious. "Where the hell have you been!"
He said, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her."
"Let me see your hands!" she demanded. He showed his wife his powdery hands. "Damn liar, You were out bowling again!"
Drinking for three
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin.
When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. It's me......I've quit drinking!"
Dress Code for 14 Feb
Ur Dress code for Valentines day (14th Feb)
Decide what code is for u.
♥ Green- I'm free
♥ Blue- I'm waiting
♥ Orange- going to propose
♥ Pink- accepted just now!!!
♥ Black- proposal rejected
♥ White- already booked
♥ Yellow- broke up!!!
♥ Gray- not interested...
♥ Red- leave me
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Jokes:A Dinner with girlfriend
A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist
"Hello, could you give me condom ............... I'm going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!" The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out he returns and says, "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says "Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes and since she invited me for dinner I think she is expecting me to make a move! During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us". A minute later the boy is still praying; "Thank you Lord for your kindness." Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious."
The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"
JOKES - Woman's Dictionary
Men, you may think you have a command of the English language, but when it comes to communicating with women, you may be surprised. Here is our dictionary of Women. Master these terms and you'll find your relationship with women greatly improved.
The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women
1. Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
2. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.
3. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).
4. Five Minutes - If getting dress, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.
5. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.
6. Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)
7. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
8. Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself.
puzzles:CIRCULAR JAIL CELL
There is a circular jail with 100 cells numbered 1-100. Each cell has an inmate and the door is locked. One night the jailor gets drunk and starts running around the jail in circles. In his first round he opens each door. In his second round he visits every 2nd door (2,4,6---) and shuts the door. In the 3rd round he visits every 3rd door (3,6,9---) and if the door is shut he opens it, if it is open he shuts it. This continues for 100 rounds (i.e. 4,8,12 ---; 5,10,15 ---; ---; 49,98 etc.) and exhausted the jailor falls down. How many prisoners found their doors open after 100 rounds?
Jokes:Blonde kidnap
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
puzzle:Life door or Death door
There are 2 doors, the life door and the death door. There is one guard standing by each door. Those two guards know which door is the life door and which is the death door. However, one of them always tells the truth and the other always tells a lie. There is no way you can identify which door is the life door or the death door. There is no way you can distinguish who is the one telling the truth.
The prisoner can only ask one guard one question. Then he needs to choose a door to walk in. If he walks in the death door, then he will be executed. If he walks in the life door, he can have a new life.
He did choose the life door and lived. What was the question he asked? How did he choose the door after he got the answer from one of the guards?
Funny Genie joke
Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.
Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband shouted , "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"
" Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mul! led it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.
"I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you
still believe in genies?"